youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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