Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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