You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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