I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
