I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
