Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
