nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Congratulations! We have a period
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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