walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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