Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
