Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
