Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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