Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i drank out of a bidet.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
