People with herpes should wear stickers.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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