I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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