So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
