at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
