i can't believe i had my finger in that
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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