I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
