My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
