i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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