This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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