three words: i give head
three words: not that well
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
