spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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