Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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