Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
