I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
