i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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