A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
