Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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