I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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