i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
