I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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