my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
