what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
