i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
