Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My ass is underappreciated
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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