I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
