when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Barsexuality is the new black.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
