OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
