i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
