If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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