Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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