I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
