Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i think i just lost a toe
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
