it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
