Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
