Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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