happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
organizing the empties. That sober.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
