It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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