I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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