u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
