I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
