Jerry, you need to find god
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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