Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
