If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
farters have to be the big spoon...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
