Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
