i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
