maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
