okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
