I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
