there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we're making bets on your personal life
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
