Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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