I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
