We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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