Jerry, you need to find god
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
