would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
