Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Randomize
