you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
