yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
