I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize