Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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