never play flip cup with pint glasses
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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