She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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