My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
