Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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