you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
