Sry I called you an 8
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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