Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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